A pediatrician’s advice for caring for your kids’ emotional well-being

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The back-to-school season always feels like a whirlwind — exciting, a little nerve-wracking and a never-ending list of to-dos. Once students find their groove, parents can breathe a sigh of relief – and pediatricians, too. After all, we play an important role in making sure your students are medically cleared for sports and physically and developmentally ready to enter a classroom environment. 

Maintaining children’s health and well-being is a year-round job. The back-to-school season is a good reminder to schedule annual physicals, receive vaccines and boosters and generally check in on your child’s health status, but it’s what happens in the “off-season” that can make the biggest difference.  

Per the California School Climate, Health, and Learning Surveys, students in Santa Cruz County rank their overall emotional wellness relatively high, with three out of four elementary students saying they feel happy most if not all the time. The same number of secondary students felt the same way. Around a third of ninth, 10th and 11th graders said they rarely experienced social or emotional distress. Still, I’ve seen plenty of kids struggle emotionally after the school year begins. 

School drop-offs can be particularly tough for younger students. I hear stories of little ones clinging and crying, and it can be just as painful for parents. What helps is easing into separation ahead of time. Summer camps, extracurricular activities or even playdates give kids practice being with peers and away from parents in a safe, fun setting. It helps them feel more comfortable when faced with a brand-new classroom.

Of course, older kids feel jitters, too —whether it’s middle school nerves or high school in a brand-new town. Talking through what to expect, practicing the morning routine and giving them room to share their feelings really does make the transition easier and more comfortable. I like to remind parents that kids, no matter their age, are always watching how we handle things. If we show kindness, empathy and patience, they’ll follow our lead.

Friendships and peer relationships can easily become an all-consuming source of stress for students. Over the years, I’ve had kids and their parents come to me with stories about feeling left out, teased or confused by social situations. It’s tough for them – and hard for parents to watch. Asking open-ended questions like, “Who did you spend time with today?” or “Did anything feel unfair?” can open up the conversation. Talking about what bullying looks like and what to do if they see it, whether it’s happening to them or someone else, can also make a difference. Kids need to know it’s OK to speak up, ask an adult for help and support classmates who might be struggling. When children feel empowered to stand up for themselves and others, it creates a healthier school environment for everyone.

I also emphasize to parents the importance of checking in with their children regularly throughout the year. Don’t limit conversations to homework and grades — ask about feelings, too. Simple questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s been worrying you?” can go a long way. And if your child seems unusually quiet, anxious or overwhelmed, reach out to someone you trust. Whether it’s your pediatrician or the school counselor, getting support early makes a big difference.

I like to remind parents that kids, no matter their age, are always watching how we handle things. If we show kindness, empathy and patience, they’ll follow our lead. Sara Faheem

Getting to and from school can also be a stressful situation for both parents and students. Parents often tell me they feel nervous about letting their kids take on this adventure on their own. I understand those fears, but when the environment is safe, building independence is good for kids – and can help ease the morning stress for parents, too. 

I like to walk families through traffic rules, helmet safety and ways of knowing if a child is ready to handle the responsibility of going to school alone. Local Safe Routes to School programs, such as Modo by Santa Cruz nonprofit Ecology Action, help parents and teachers ensure students get to and from school safely while empowering them to think critically and engage with their surroundings. 

Bus riders need reminders as well, such as what behavior is expected and what to do if plans change. For carpooling families, it’s worth double-checking seat belts, boosters and car seats. Younger kids especially feel more confident if they have a buddy, and I always encourage talking through “what if” scenarios so kids know what to do if something doesn’t go as planned.

It’s normal for kids to worry. 

With a little preparation, open conversations and plenty of patience, kids can find their way back to their most confident self. Our kids learn a lot by watching us, so modeling empathy, kindness and confidence at home helps them carry those lessons into the classroom. Safe and soothing home environments can play a role in easing your child’s anxiety. 

Setting aside one one-on-one time every day without TV or media or developing a calming hobby like gardening, drawing or going for a bike ride that takes 10 minutes can make a difference. Consider signing up for classes and group activities through Santa Cruz County organizations like The Circle and The Center for Child and Adolescent and Teen Mental Health or local recreation leagues. Also, making your child feel good about themselves through praise and reminding them how to take steps to control their worries can prepare them for stressful situations away from home. 

School can be a major source of stress and anxiety. Feeling pressured to do well can be easily remedied by reminding them that they’re doing a good job and that you’re proud regardless of the outcome. If expectations and goals are set too high, help them find realistic ones that they can feel good about pursuing.

First 5 Santa Cruz County’s Triple P Parenting Program, Santa Cruz Parent and the county’s child and adolescent behavioral health services can be great resources for parents looking for support from other parents and parenting experts. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ HealthyChildren.org is another great resource for advice on how to help children work through transitions and emotional stressors.

And don’t forget: Your pediatrician is here for more than sore throats and sports physicals. We’re here to support your child’s overall well-being, whether it’s taking on physical health, emotional health or social challenges. We’re in this together, every step of the way.

Dr. Sara Faheem is a pediatrician with Dignity Health Medical Group – Dominican. She sees patients in Capitola and is a pediatric hospitalist at Dominican Hospital; she has been practicing for nine years. She graduated from St. George’s University College of Medicine and did her residency at Newark Beth Israel Medical Center – Children’s Hospital of New Jersey. Learn more about Sara and her care philosophy here.